Why am I experiencing life this way?
Individuals often ask questions of this kind but not quite this way. They usually sound more along the lines of :” Why is this happening to me? Why are people like this? Why are situations like that? Why is life like this?”
They might even ask:” What do you mean I am experiencing life this way, it IS this way. And I agree with them, because for them, at that moment, this is true. But it’s not the whole truth and it’s not inevitable and unchangeable either. Once, I was talking to a friend about this and he had a similar question. I asked him to finish the following sentence with the first thing that came to his mind. ” Life is…….”
Now before you read any further, pause for a second to feel into what your personal answer to this question would be. Play along if you’d like, the answer is very revealing.
He said:” Life is tough, it’s a challenge!”
” Now, do you understand why you experience your life as a tough challenge?” , I asked.
He paused and he thought because he did have a moment of realization but for many of us in many instances, instead, we resist, and we feel like what I had just said is complete BS. “What do you mean I experience life this way because that’s what I believe, it’s the other way around- I’ve started believing this because my experience has taught me that?” I’ve heard more people say that than I can count…..
You see, one of the biggest myths we’re being told or taught about reality is that we believe, see or experience things, people and life in general, a certain way because our experience has taught us that. In reality, it is quite the opposite- we experience things, people, and life a certain way because of what we believe. I don’t expect you to believe this because I just said so but rather invite you to, for now, simply entertain the thought and even better- TEST it for yourself. Openly, honestly, full-heartedly.
1) Choose an aspect of your experience that you’re not very happy with and see what beliefs you have surrounding it. If you can’t find the beliefs right away, ask yourself-what do I need to believe in order for this to be this way…and wait and listen, the answer will come to you.
2) Then ask yourself, what would I need to believe in order for this type of experience to be what I want it to be?
Again, wait for the answer and don’t expect it to come the first second you ask the question, stay with it and listen.
3) Allow yourself to really believe what you established in #2. Fully and honestly. If you’re just pretending to believe it or are doing it to prove that it “doesn’t work”, don’t even try. You will find evidence for what you believe already and nothing will change. But chances are, if you’re here reading this, you know that there’re things about how we create our reality that we don’t know, that we’re not taught in schools but intuitively know they exist and that there are things we can do to transform aspects of our reality into something more enjoyable. And contrary to another myth that we’ve been told, which I’d like to talk about in a separate post, it doesn’t have to be hard work either.
4) Watch and observe the results! Take notes.
Here’s an example from my personal experience. When I was young, my dad told me to expect and prepare for the worst. Let’s say we were going to a swimming pool and I was beyond excited, but he told me to be prepared that the pool might be closed and we might not actually go swimming. This was before everybody used computers, posted their schedules and cancellations online and so forth. This suggestion felt off. I didn’t want the pool to be closed and I didn’t want to “prepare” for this scenario. So, instead, I secretly was imagining myself swimming and having an awesome time. Children are actually quite connected to themselves and their ability to mold their reality and get what they want so it takes quite a bit for adults to “teach” them that they can’t always get what they want.
The thing is, my father didn’t do this to hurt me in any way, on the contrary, he did it to try and protect me from disappointments. He felt like he had been disappointed so many times in his childhood and it had be so painful that he wanted to spare me the same faith. The problem was that by “believing and preparing” for the disappointing scenario, I was feeding it with my energy and creating it, unless it was something that involved a lot of other people and their positive energy and expectation for the opposite overrode mine.
It took me a few years of observation to see that my father’s preparing for unwanted scenarios actually ended up bringing them about. And then, in his mind, he had even more evidence that you should be prepared for it.
But I chose otherwise. I dreamed what I wanted to create, I thought of it and enjoyed the thoughts until I felt it in my bones. If nothing else, I thought, the dream was pretty enjoyable itself. I discovered that in most cases, the outcomes I was wishing for came true and not the other way around. I also thought that occasional disappointment was not the end of the world and I learned how to express and process those feelings when they came.
I don’t know that I was ever able to convince my dad fully that focusing positively had a lot to do with actually manifesting what you wanted. I think, toward the end of his life, he was much more inclined to think that way. At the end of the day, we can only teach by example and the choice is in each and every one of us, individually. And for you- it’s YOURS.